178. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? Description for this block. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Microchips. 126. 238. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". 180. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 263. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. 20. The only power you have is the word no. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Bill Murray 24. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? 221. Wonderwoman: single. 7. Lily Tomlin, 242. Effective pushing often involves poop. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 270. ". No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Lily Tomlin 267. Albert Einstein Bill Murray 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. (John 14:27) 27. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. 168. 182. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. 254. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 131. Never let anyone waste your time twice. It's OK to take a break. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Mind blown! I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. 1. 145. Unknown. 68. 181. 170. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. 275. So, why not team them up? 164. I dont think thats a coincidence. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. I make the right choices every time. 110. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Enjoy! Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 196. Benjamin Franklin. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Your email address will not be published. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 228. 9. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 8. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. 27. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. 188. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. I know the best time to make fun. 266. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 201. "If you see me talking to myself. Can February march? I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . 23. 187. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Why cant you trust an atom? ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. Edward A. Murphy Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. 5. 67. 114. 245. 175. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. Not everyone has good taste., 3. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. 138. "Your mistakes don't define you.". I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. 1. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. My mind is becoming much sharper. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. 38. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 211. I am too lazy to be lazy. I am full of vitality. Swimming trunks. 213. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 13. 57. Albert Einstein 131. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 193. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. - Unknown. 236. 250. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 50. Bill Murray. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 75. I intend to live forever. My mom scolds me for no reason. I am lazy till I get a motive. 170. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 194. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 214. 191. 2. Learn sign language, its very handy. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 137. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. Not me, but somebody does. Ann Landers 249. - Bob Hope. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. Ann Landers, 244. I love living in my unique female body. 249. I just go normal from time to time. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. Your words become your actions. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Sincerely, yourself. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 63. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. Its called tomorrow. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. 220. 79. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 9. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. 158. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 279. 227. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. 192. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 66. 267. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. Frances McDormand There are endless opportunities. What do you call a bear with no teeth? When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. 122. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 58. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. 117. 4. 105. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Charles M. Schulz 124. Paul Ehrlich If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. 161. Roy Lichtenstein Its okay, he woke up. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. My jokes do. 237. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 4. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 23. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 8. 90. How do trees access the internet? Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. - Unkmown. With a cowculator. 28. Find a quiet place without distractions. Milton Berle Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. When they go away, its a brighter day. Use this space for describing your block. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 108. Not everyone has good taste. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. 80. I did it! They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Its okay if people dont like me. 3. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! 129. 32. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 173. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 64. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. 34. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. 172. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. Steven Wright, 252. 206. 4. Ive been doing nothing for years. Im like a postage stamp. Exercise? 274. 185. Benjamin Franklin I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 71. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Steve Martin 137. 37. 142. You deserve it! It just plain forms. Nothing, they just waved. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 215. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. I tried, but they wanted cash. I am happy and joyful. No No NOYes. 232. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. 48. 139. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Need to send some positive energy your way? I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. -Gandhi. 13. 22. The rest are too expensive. 36. 99. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 184. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. - Benjamin Franklin. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 70. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 115. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. I am awesome. 225. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. health is important. Words have the power to make or break us. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 132. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. My cankles will hold me. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. Socrates. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. New year, new me. Run. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. 118. Jackie Collins People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 8. Breasts dont have eyes. If only common sense were more common. Im not insulting you. Bill Murray, 257. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. 229. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". 266. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 246. 177. Ive got three bones. 26. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. 268. But then again so does . 205. Today I was a hero. 26. 125. happy. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. I believe in what's possible for me. 74. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. They log in. 96. He who laughs last didnt get it. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 235. 223. You wanna know who Im in love with? 128. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. 86. 165. Never ask a starfish for directions. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. My jokes do. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Only two more days until Friday.". Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. You can only be young once. And get over it. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. 276. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 176. I dont care! If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Nothing, they just waved. Exercise? Who cares about the future? If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Education cost money. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Be careful when you follow the masses. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. 121. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. I see the funny side of life more and more. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. - Kyle Chandler. I understand success cant happen overnight. 134. Focus on the positives and be grateful. 121. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. I am attractive just as I am. 272. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Ted Turner. 135. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Actually, you dont have to imagine. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. Helen Giangregorio. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. 114. Bill Murray 195. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. A gummy bear. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Frances McDormand, 42. Some people are like clouds. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. 97. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 240. 54. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. 182. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Honolulu, its got everything. I see food, and I eat it. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. How do you count cows? If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Things are getting better all the time. 118. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are.
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