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SOULMATE is totally right and we all know it. I am the nicest person on earth and so is my boyfriend. I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me, I can see you feel very passionate about infidelity, however, on this occassion I won't be taking your advice. It is the gateway to another feeling. But I can't leave my job. Im more than competent at the piano myself, but this guy was amazing. If he is like me, its a choice. But we can get through it together if you are truley remoreseful. Guy Winch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts. male Turning off notifications, deleting messages, and hiding chat apps may all indicate secrecy. You confessed your sins. female Still, now that the courts are coming down wider and heavier on emotional abuse, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. I was dumped.so why do *I* feel guilty? 4. He encouraged me to to ring for a taxi from his house which I did. He left and went to the lake. I can't stop playing it over again and again. Yesterday night we went out to drink. Past is something you cannot change. in all the years we are together I have never ever done anything like this before, and I can say with confidence I will never allow myself to end up in any situation that could lead to anything even close to this again. Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. Dont tell me that you and ______ (the girl who was staying at our house for the weekend) are lesbians? Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A And what Simone Bienne said on the love line. And for science-based tips for managing guilt, check out my book, Emotional First Aid. Wife of 8 years straddled and flirted with my friend last night while drunk My Girlfriend Kissed Another Guy whilst Black-Out Drunk. Well, that's all fairly laudible but Once my tennis coach misread me, came into my house, and gave a peck on my cheeks, in India, kissing is not a social gesture. Oh no worries soulmate, yes we do miss you We'll talk tomorrow. Shes said thats it. I'm not telling him because I don't want to mess this up. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. The fact he told you very soon after is good. I wish I told my wife, but she found out because in my browsing history I had searched should I tell my wife I kissed a girl when drunk. This is what I'd do because my relationship with my husband is stellar and we both want to keep it that way, and it's such precisely BECAUSE we're this 24/7 honest and transparent with each other (Speak-Your-Thoughts machines). Hi SoulMate! BTW lips are also very much a part of foreplay that's what I've read. Most people would never confess that's the reality. (I bet many would not kiss & TELL -as it would only invite chaos in their marraiges). Confide in someone you trust. Your punishment is living with this. Ugh, basically. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. You do risk upset feelings as a consequence. With or without the same seniority. If a man or woman were genuine in asking for forgiveness. But now he has begun university and I trust him with everything but I keep thinking of what I did. Talk to her about it and explain to her how it hurt you to see them kissing. For the last two years have read a lot about infidelity. Now is that thread on this site (people's problems)? You had too much to drink and you kissed someone who wasnt your boyfriend or your girlfriend. Even despite it included you having to become whatever degree of a low-down doity adulterer. Similarly, meeting with someone privately and not telling your partner can also be a warning sign that . If he wants to keep her as a "friend", complete access is a must. The caller wasn't experienced (like me). Other than that, I've said everything that needs saying soyou lot carry on if you want, but I'm sat back, counting the money. Any help or advise would be much appreciated. Try-it-on, cheating sleazebag makes pass at loyally-married woman; I rang the guy and said ' oh wow, so last night, that really happened, what the hell where we at? ' a wiz veteran at Relationship Talk. I am heartbroken but told him I understand that I couldnt be with someone who doesnt trust me. This was a relationship BTW not a marriage. Youre just using the fact that you were drunk as an excuse. And Ill tell you why by first giving you some context the back. I can't get into his FB directly but I accessed his hotmail and read the notification. Kissing is the gateway to sex or part of sex. I feel so bad since then. (and more like her as well, please, Bartender! I said no but he assured me nothing would happen and we would just lie and cuddle.In a drunken moment I agreed and he assured me nothing would happen. So she left after a couple of replies. Weve probably all known silly drunks, mean drunks and people who simply couldnt hold their liquor and vomited all over the place. I said to my husband, I have something to tell you, but I dont know how to say it.. I am biased and do hold strong views because my XH cheated. Yup. Your Drinking Behaviour. Even if it is innocent kiss, I am done. What if your husband ever found out? For your information, I have only the *one* bottom and and it doesn't ever tend to leave tracks (- speak for yerself!) It was such a weird experience. I agree with Vale that the best thing you can do is talk to Cintia about what happened and tell her that seeing her kissing Mercy upset you. Damn, my husband is such a good person and we were together for almost 7 years now. Once was after we'd had a bit of a heavy talk earlier, and the other two were after we dropped one of the little ones off at the grandparents and he started talking about if it gets easier to leave a child (ie when you have weekend contact and you have to drop the child back off at the end of it.). Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more! That's a long time for kissing. Then I ordered taxis, woke up the other girl and we left. But living a lie would be so much worse. I recall an incident years ago, we were very young, just teenagers, and a girl planted a big kiss on my hubby (then boyfriend) on a night out. I took the ride. That tells you that even if you think you are not showing any signs of being attracted to someone, peoples S/Os have a since of whats going on! Once emotions kicks in, you cant predict what will happen. I just knew it. Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. When my husband came home, he could tell right away that I had been drinking. He was so drunk himself that he started singing I Love Paris and, in the middle of the song, he said in a gruff voice, You wanna kiss me? We were good friends for a few years and have dated in the past but nothing serious. You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent. male I thought I had lost him and then bumped into him further down the street. "Soz". This should be obvious, but sadly, for many it's not. I noticed him kinda touching my hand a bit but I didn't pull away. NOT mentioning it could make you come across guilty. Okay. Lee, thats a good way to CYA - pretend youre talking about this as if it happened to someone else and then gauge your partners reaction. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you its okay. (As you were), It happened to me,too last Jan.31,2016, and it happened again in the following days. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. Yes one should take care of themselves before getting drunk. I came home and we resolved it and ever since everything has been fine. Therefore, you might be surprised to learn the following facts about guilt: What can you do to address unresolved guilt? I still feel so guilty and I just don't know what to do. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. ;-p Secrets have no place in a marriage. Your guilt is your punishment. Maybe you didnt deliberately set out to kiss him or her, but you feel guilty about the kiss because you realize you always wanted to kiss that person, but were afraid to kiss because you harbored hidden feelings for that person. I was devastated. "and even though he said he immediately pulled away" Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. I am a good person and have never done anything like this before. Should I tell him or just get on with my life and put this whole sorry mess behind me? Nooooo, surely not. Guess what his response was? And it's weird, but it's like I need the guy to tell me what I did was ok and I'm not a bad person. Sorry, you two, I'm not ignoring you, just super-super-busy at the mo. If the reaction isnt strong, then maybe its okay to confess. Houston, this team needs to identify then agree over what's causing it. He's a work colleague by the way, and we would get on well in work but have no contact outside of work). Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships, My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! David bit Jordan. Thus it's what I *DID DO* - back in September when at an Indian restaurant with friends (I mentioned it on this forum as apropos to someone's thread) and some bloke tried to come onto me. We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. When I woke up yesterday I still felt drunk but the reality of what happened hit me like a tonne of bricks. Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. To be honest, my stomach is sick with the thoughts of the whole thing. PS: Don't ever drop it, will you. Well you need to figure that out and fast. Actually I really don't have any experience at all. In fact, you dont even have to tell your partner what you did because it was an innocent kiss. So if life hands you lemons, don't HIDE them where they could one day trip you up or cause a rotten stink. I want to break down and cry. , By entering this site you declare Just trying to keep the pot stirred,the fire burning. Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? However, before you choose option 3, you need to talk to the person you kissed when you are sober again and make sure that the other person has strong feelings for you, too. However, if it doesn't close itself through sustained inactivity soon then I'll probably close it myself (as the actress said to the bishop). A relationship with a man is supposed to be specifically platonic, says YouTuber David Godinez, while filmmaker James Rath says that men are told not to be physically intimate. I was the driver so I did not drink at all just the wto girls. = I'VE ONLY GOT HIS WORD FOR IT. I had a kind of aha reaction because I realized I was attracted to him. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. So your crop had already been carrying a blight, hadn't it. So, when he offered me whisky, I happily drank it until I was drunk as a skunk. She confessed to loving the experience and enjoyed the thrill knowing she had her husbands permission and he was watching her. For what possible reason? Its hard to know what to say, especially if youre fuzzy about what happened. Some song came on and it was a soppy song and we were both singing along. And he kissed me and I reciprocated. Your choice, as ever. Free weekly email, Insta, and more - > https://linktr.ee/monogamish_me. Oh my god, (Brodie)bit my tongue! yells James. Are you sure all you did was kiss? Now, four years later, I am feeling extreme guilt to the point that it is making me sick and consuming thoughts every minute of the day. reader, Ellis Mac+, writes (25 October 2005): A Where were you hiding it - up your sleeve? I wouldn't want to hear about it if I were in his position. I guess what really bothers me a lot is when kids get involved. He cared less what families they belonged to if they worked in the same positions, they had the same contract rules to follow. reader, Angel-lee+, writes (25 October 2005): A If it were me, I would contact her, & let her know that I didn't appreciate her actions. See what she has to say. No, if it's sensible debate, based on *facts* rather than wishful thinking, that's fine. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. Unfortunately, even these last few asides are tantamount to a forum no-no called thread mutineering. I think my husband could maybe forgive the kiss, but the doubt would be there, he would wonder if this could happen again, and he would be so hurt. I had three At least I'll know I've done my bit to the very best of my capability. Everyone is telling me not to say anything because it was so long ago and it never happened again, or will it ever. But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do . A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Yes Im addiction there are things called SUDs.. My piano instructor came over once a week, usually on a Saturday when my husband was home. Lead to or gateway to, I guess there's a difference. Now that you got drunk, you feel justified in kissing that person because you got drunk and couldnt help yourself. It didn't feel real. It should prevent you from repeating your actions. My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. Im guessing that theres a good chance you would have gone all the way if the piano teacher had gone for it. I feel like I am hypnotized by the guy. This post is probably the most intelligent and insightful posts Ive seen on this site. Something like that changes almost everything in a marriage. That was crazy' and other awkward things. I dont want him to be thinking that I am a cheat. NO don't actually make it easy for him to have ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP with this woman!!!! But you sounded like you were willing to take it farther with him,and risk it all. He doesn't deserve to be hurt by this. Such as crying,begging that would be enough for me to give them a second chance. Truth-seekers are never popular. By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. Not just to you. this guy only tried to kiss you so as far as you cheating on him there is no and your appropriate response was toback away and leave the guy standing. I feel horrible. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Are you sure you didnt have sex with him/her? It's where the lips have been and where they're going. I thanked him for telling me this and we didnt speak to one another for years. I was so drunk, I barely remember the kiss, but I know it happened. The Bedford man accused of killing another after an argument April 24, 2021, pleaded guilty Friday to third-degree murder, his attorney Dan Kiss said. If you want a relationship then be ready to be trustworthy. (*'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. IAMHIM (person claiming to be an unregistered passer-by), You mentioned foreplay as being the main gate. I'm 5 years married to my best friend. She emailed him out of the Blue, and he proudly showed me both her smarmy email and his polite yet nonetheless "on yer bike!" At least I understood why our marriage failed and no further closure was needed. Because I already had some unresolved feelings for this guy and I let him kiss me and used the fact that I was drunk as an excuse. An innocent kiss usually involves getting so plastered that you lose your inhibitions and someone tries to kiss you and you return the kiss. It's mos becoming serious and we really like each other! Before you close I'd like to say that I totally agree with you. [4] WHY would you have kept it secret? Well, now, that little lot *definitely* counts as 'debate fodder' relevant to this whole issue, rather than pure chit-chat. As long as you are sincere about making this work, your punishment should be to bear this guilt. There is more going on. Things have gone a fair way beyond ideal but you aren't a silly school girl after your first taste of wine. This feels huge to me. I could tell that he had a thing for you. Login first If I receive a text from someone that is flirtatious in anyway, I test the person back and tell them that I do not want anymore flirtatious texts and if we are friends then they need to respect my relationship.