If I Swipe Left Will They Still See Me, Articles M

So sada horrible lesson of how not to act..and it has only now been 7 months. Wait. And mind you im her only niece from my mom.She had a spots car she lost. He had never been around death until that time, my parents had been married 55 years. This hurts on so many levels that I cant even begin to explain. A coward at heart, he didnt even have the guts to tell me himself. So, long story short, mom died two years ago, dad took up with at 16 months, dad had a heart attack one year ago, and has now moved in with the GF. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. This story is long, and if youve reached this point, i mean just finish it off . Here's what I learned through the pain, and what I hope to share with others. But you are the one who is grieving, not your Father, and you can experience it any number of ways. My brother has never been good at expressing his emotions, so it was especially heartbreaking to hear him express to me and my sisters that he felt abandoned. She was sick for just a short time. Is she my cup of tea? For this I will be eternally grateful to him because even though this should be the norm for any family its not always that way. Its like Im an afterthought. I also strongly believe in letting a respectable period of time pass before beginning new liaisons, because these events affect everybody in the family, not just the parent this needs to be understood by parent and child. You are married and have a child. It was and is possible for British people to buy houses in Florida and rent them out through an agency. I cant sit back and watch. He was her caretaker and he held her hand to the very end. Listen to them, support them, be there for them as much as they will let you, and pray, pray, pray. You may assume you bring all this joy to the mans life, and you think of your own needs in justifying the relationship, but as a woman, I feel that the disrespect to my mothers memory and to family, even if I seem to be the only one devastated, angry and in grieving now for the loss of my dad due to the girlfriend, is beyond anything I would bring to the children of that family if I were thinking of swooping up a widower 4 months after the death of a spouse. We have been trying to talk to him. My sisters have been amazing as well. He lost his identity when my mom passed. What followed was one of the most upsetting summers of my life. I rarely see him these days, even though we live in the same house. Form ssa-5 information you die someday. Yes. I love him so much, and no, I dont want him to be alone the rest of his life, but my mom deserves so much more than this. He was just my moms friend and he was there for her which was ok with my brother and I. He ignores his kids and grandkids for the most part and seems so involved in himself to take out true, quality time for us. Try to find non-intrusive or organic ways when you can say, "mom, I'm here for you." ET on Saturday and Sunday. She shook out her hand and said her name but there was no introduction on his part like, This is my daughter and this is my friend/co-worker/date/girlfriend etc. So I sat there the whole concert wondering who the heck this woman is. There are no words to describe the pain and emptiness I feel deep in the very pit of my being. My husband and I were so shocked that we got sick. My mom gave her kids somethings because she wanted to help her kids and grand kids. You would also have to charge your sister rent for living in the house, and you would eventually have to divide the house and your parents' other assets equally among your siblings. When she decides to go off he is in an especially vile mood due to depression at having been dumped. Then he gave me the rest and I locked them in a safe so he could not get to them. She certainly does that. I'm 24 and the youngest of two daughters; we both live away from home but within a 10 minute drive. There is nothing as strong and pure as a mothers love for her children so take that thought and live the kind of life in your moms name that would reflect that truth. I was 19 and it was completely unexpected. I will never be the mother of my future step-daughters nor I want to be. They cannot commit 100% to you. He travels for his job and since I am going to school full time now, I have been house sitting for him while he is gone. I will continue to search for answers and hope that I find a way to help my family heal from this tragedy. Lately I have been trying to show my support but I feel like its all fake. I could really use some good advice on how to deal with all this. Not only was he a preeminent scholar of rock music from 1968-1974, but some of our best memories together were spent on the road. I mean after all hes not just bringing her into his life, but mine as well. He just told me that he wants me to call her or come by to wish her a Happy Mothers day, he says she wants to be a mother to me. I feel that it might be easier to accept the situation if she also took our feelings into consideration and explained to us what she is feeling/needing and how the situation changed so drastically within just a few weeks time. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were We enjoyed many of the same things, and were eager to try some new ones. After a year of my distancing myself and my family ,due to awkward and mean conversations with him, he called me one evening yelling swearing and finally telling me I was never to be in contact we him ever again, then hanging up on me! 6 months after her death I realized my dad was sort of speaking to other women and though nothing was obviously happening, I was enraged. I grew up feeling that my father was an intelligent, kind and warm gentleman who attends church every week. Not giving him a chance. Press J to jump to the feed. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. He acts like Im his past, and I dont matter as much as I did when my mom was here. Nice. I miss my MOM so much and I hate this destruction! Its hard because I really do want my Dad to be happy, but I feel like hes pushing everyone away so that he can live in a bubble with her. Will the hurt/pain ever get better? I am trying to be open minded and accepting if this new lady, but at the same time I feel like my hearts being ripped out when I see him treat her the way he did my Mom. I gulped down fear, as I rushed to find out what was happening. And how dare him talk to me like this about the other woman. When he is sick, hell check in daily for advice(were health professionals) but otherwise, it seems an effort to check in . Youve done nothing wrong - your mom is responsible for her own finances and you have every right to have your own space with your family. I dont think that he was very tactful when he delivered the news of our engagement to them and I dont think they expected that he was going to propose after 2 1/2 years, but why not? Dealing with the same situation , except I have known this lady for many many years, and did not now like her do to some things she did to me, and that she is sneaky, manipulative, and nasty. We suffered with them too as well as all the family members. Celebrate your parents, give thanks for all that they have done for you and the family, appreciate, and respect them. It seems to me that the almost universal theme of these comments are how hard it is when other people make choices we dont have control over. I put him off saying how about a rain check. I wish I knew how to get passed this. However, and this is the crux of the matter- it is my father from whom I am owed a duty of care and not from her. We consider ourselves nothing short of blessed to have met and enjoy each other so much. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); It has been just a little over 1 year since my mother passed. I have heard all of these things through my boyfriends daughters to him about our relationship and their feelings. i lost a lot of friends because I didn't want to be a mess around them but I learned later they didn't mind if i broke down in front of them they still enjoyed the times when I wasn't sad and understood why i was sad. NTA to move out. I gave them space and just pleasent with her thats it. Losing both my life, as meetup. I now know that he would make the same choices again as he proves on a daily basis. Without going into to much detail, I explained to my children that I will always love Daddy and that he will always have a special place in my heart but Im still here and I want to live life. Ive been through a lot in my life that i dont need the added drama. I can tell you these are things from which you cannot recover even if you are able to forgive. It would be appalling enough to celebrate without your Mom but to have a young girl thrust upon you is just too much. So very sad. She has even assaulted my sister by shaking and shoving her. Its at once comforting to find other people who relate, and daunting to imagine that these feelings might not fade with time and age. Every time he has mentioned these other women he is talking to, I just feel like dying inside. Ive also been told that my mother didnt like her. It felt like he was choosing her over his family. She just needs a little help with the deposit and setting up furniture, and then she'll be able to take over cleaning and dusting on a daily basis without you. Now she is practically living at my parents house. And on top of this, if you actually read everyones comments, most of these people want the parent to be happy, but they are just not ready to meet their parents new friend. But Im still reeling over a set of events that happened this last Christmas, our first without my Mother-in-law. Perhaps just go out with death and this will never an unhappy outcome. My Mom was a Catholic and I knew upon her death that she would want the last rights and everyone to be there before she was taken off support. After having lost perhaps one of the most important people in our lives, our mothers, we have now lost our fathers, as their behaviors have become inappropriate and they sincerely do not care how we feel. Its disrespectful and rude. So now I am stuck with discovering my new relationship between my father and myself where we barely talk to each other, and see each other less. She doesnt want another master in his life. he expects everything to according to his place with her living and becoming our mother. He once sent me a live version of Glen Campbells MacArthur Park and noted: Just listen to the bridge from 2:00 minutes until 4:20. The most of my dad mine lost for just died, really dependent. My mom was vivacious and full of laughter and life. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Im and always had been very very close to my parents, especially my mom. Also, I'm not sure how exactly I'm supposed to be feeling, and I'm wondering if maybe I'm not grieving enough because I am trying to be self-sufficient and go on with my life and not be extremely depressed over it all the time. I really feel your pain. Alex Murdaugh, who took the stand last week Shes actually a neighbor, and lives in her sisters house, 1 court down from my dad. My Mom always hated clutter and Ellen junked up the house. Not only was I having a year of so many firsts already, facing it without one of the most influential and important people in my life was unfathomable. Im sad, scared, confused and irritated with myself for petty immature thoughts. If we complain and say it would really help our lives if she could commit to coming and not change her plans all the time he says This is how we work things.. 2. That is why I am able to see what my father meant by I can be dating someone and still love your mom and miss her. Her house sold and then all of a sudden she is living in my parents house. Who is a wonderful and caring person. They had things they shared every single day of their lives for longer than you've even been alive. Im not frail, fragile nor naive. She lives about 20 minutes away. I agree to receive email communications, promotions, and general messages in accordance with the SE Health, Self care for caregivers: remember to take care of yourself, Gratitude and savouring time with your aging parents, When your parent moves into long-term care. I am not sure I would have had the courage to do that myself even if I could have seen the future. Even if she said she was she would probably change her mind. She wants to do this even before the estate is settled. I live you but I don't live this entitled attitude. Please someone tell me if Im wrong. I live in a different city than my dad, so I think it hit home for him when he could see how physically upset I was. My Dad will occasionally still talk about my Mom and I do too in front of her and she will sit there with her lips poked out pouting. I also go everynight after work and cook dinner. Im not dating her. She said that she has insecurities. We left heartbroken and grief-stricken. My mom was dads age, a size 14, short, and conservative looking with a mom-type haircut. Accused me of back chatting & havent bern financially & emotionally supporting, wrote on his status that His a greatest Dad. (My mother used to make jokes about her-that she was ugly, an old maid, etc). Weakness is not an excuse and happiness is not always about ones self. I feel that his relationship is a violation of my mothers memory because he is better to this woman than he ever was my mother. New years eve and were celebrating i took a great family photo of us 4 and SHE LOST IT. My mom passed a few months ago on March 23, 2016. When driving back from hospital the other week he asked who would be taking him back the following day. She is very capable of independence, but not immediately. For much of my mothers life she did not have to work just take care of the family. I love my dad but this is not fitting well with me, as he never once called my Mom angel or anything like that. Im done this is just too heart breaking for me and our family. Los angeles resident abbe andersen took care nurse for your mom for a need to be in his debilitating journey with. Anyway, I am furious about this entire situation. Im 23 and I cannot stand the situation that i am in. He has chosen her over me and Im in straight hell constantly being reminded of my moms death as she is living much better in my house with her nose in the sky and always wnjoying when me and dad fight cuz of her. she brushed it off bc due to the market she didnt think wed get a place we could afford..but then she received a letter in the mail a week or so later stating she was losing 600 a month due to my middle sister turning 18, she came storming into my room demanding my husband & I start paying what shed be losing monthly to her in rent. Im talking about watching a movie together, going on an outing, having a conversation. Oh how I wish I had found this website after my Mother passed,18 months ago. Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. And he is happy. Her kids are great (were all in our 30s). I HAVE BEEN READING YOUR PAINFUL EXPERIENCES,MINE IS SIMIALR PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND THE PAIN IM IN.I HIDE IT NOW. After her death my husband and I continued to live with my dad to keep him company and ease the loneliness. As much as I want him to be happy, Im upset with what happened to my mom for him to become happy & I feel like a traitor for even talking to him. I rubbed my eyes and quickly jumped out of bed, faster than I've ever done anything in my life. But he just told me that his dancing partner Judith is very special and will be coming over for dinner. He now expects me, his daughter to participate in holidays there. I just feel so uneasy with herlike she is hiding something really big and I just cant put my finger on itchalk it up to resentment as this article says or jealousy or whatever, I just cant get over it. About 8 months or so ago, he informed me that he was going out-of-town to meet a woman he had meet on an online dating site who lived in a nearby town. This lola lady died last summer. I slept every night for 3 months in the hospital with him bc he couldnt talk or use his arms to alert the nursing staff to his needs. Back in July my Dad and his girlfriend got married and moved in together. Fast-forward a bit, and I am now 20 years old. I would follow them several paces behind when they went to the cemetery perhaps seeking absolution. I dont want to hear these things, nor do you, I am sure. I only met the D and the S 18 on one occasion. He said he LOVED (his emphasis) this woman and that they had plans to be together.