A chicken sees a salad. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. Here are over a dozen irreverent history jokes to share with your favorite history teacher or students. The other girlfriend grabs a paper towel and goes to hand it to her friend, but she trips and elbows her bestie right in the boob. The pupils they dilate. Getting down and dirty with your hoes. Why didn't the skeleton get a prom date? After five years your job will still suck. Those are just contractions., Why the big pause? asks the bartender. Don't care + didn't ask + L + Ratio + soyjak + beta + cringe + stfu + cope + seethe + ok boomer + incel + virgin + Karen + + you are not just a clown, you are the entire circus + + nah this ain't it + do better + check your privilege + pronouns in bio + anime pfp + . Dress her up as an altar boy. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. Because you should never drink and derive. Some are dead. While theres no guaranteed way to come up with the perfect comeback at the moment, there are a few witty responses that will put the other person in their place. 5. Da brie was everywhere. How is life like a penis? #challenge #experiment Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. 20. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Re-Morse code. Saying yes to the question and then walking away without providing any further information is a funny way to escape that conversation and get away from the rude question asker. We have some cool puns to add to your collection: Party time always gives us a reason to laugh. How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Catch up! I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Get ready to laugh, hard. 30. Nobody asked you, either, but it seems that we all have to listen. Good Comebacks for Who Asked or Did I Ask? Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. What did one pencil say to the other pencil? Because he had a great fall. Check out these funny one-liners that will give you the biggest laughs from the fewest words. Your mom sure seemed to care last night. 12. A submarine. Example of When did I ask? I didnt ask for your opinion either, so why respond. Never mind, its too long., Two goldfish are in a tank. We recommend our users to update the browser. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. 10 Best Funny Riddles. What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas? How do you organize a space party? He kept leaving little messages around the house. For example, Alexa can tell you Star Wars jokes, yo mama jokes and even some interesting trivia facts. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. 1. What do you call a boomerang that wont come back? Check out these hilarious whats the difference between jokes. Kid 1: Hey, I bet youre still a virgin., When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper You did this.. Cereal pleasure to meet you! What do you call a zen master in charge of snacks? 2. My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job. I'll meet you at the corner. Why don't chickens play baseball? We've been graced with our fair share of "dad" jokes, so-bad-they're-good puns, knock-knock jokes, and even some moments of pure stand-up comedy. 3. A nervous wreck. Knock Knock! What's the best-smelling insect? When Did I Ask Funny Joke Humor Sarcastic Humorous Sticker By plydia From $2.02 Seven Days without a pun makes one weak white T-Shirt Sticker By Newline store From $3.36 Forget About Princess I Want To Be A Zebra Sticker Last updated: Feb 09, 2023 Jokes and Riddles For Kids and Adults to Solve. You know there's no official training for trash collectors? Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? "What's the good news?". Why was the guitar teacher arrested? But grammatically speaking, whom is the object of the verb to., If Ive told you n times, Ive told you n+1 times. Explanation: No joke has a double meaning here. Approximately one GB. "Between you and me, something smells.". These are some responses you might want to keep ready in the back of your mind. One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. The bear shrugged. Usually, they know they didnt. If a man talks dirty to a woman, thats sexual harassment. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? 34. My midget friend got thrown out of the nudist colony because he kept getting in everyones hair. When someone asks "did I ask you", you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. If you are looking for a complete list of Cortana commands, check out this page . I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. You planet. I dont think so. "Busted, now if you'll excuse me, I need to buy a pair of nice-looking men's overalls and Dr. Martens.". Because they'll never meet. (Walk. What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam. Because it said Concentrate on the side of the can. If a woman talks dirty to a man, thatll be $6.50 a minute. A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm Came up. Light travels faster than sound, which is why people like you appear brightuntil they open their mouths. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts already. There was nothing left but de-Brie. I have as much authority as the Pope. Ivana fuck your brains out. What did the big flower say to the little flower? ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb. No? They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them. You guys didn't like it. Got a PS5 for my little brother. Why did the chicken cross the road? 1. Me! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? 20 History Jokes We Dare You Not to Laugh At. After all, roses may be red, violets may be blue, but one thing's for surewe've got the all-time greatest Valentine's jokes for you! (Think trolls) Because they hit foul balls. So why wouldn't we embrace any chance we have to giggle at a joke? 46. A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? If you need so much space, theres always NASA. Otherwise, close the page now. Unless youre just fed up with these types of comments and want to be rude. Why do we like volcanoes? But hay, its in my jeans. Your wife will always blow your bonus! Ok. (and then continuing usually does the trick). These classic What did? * No, you didn't. What's your point? By the CBC Kids team August 15, 2017 | Last Updated April 08, 2022. Jokes for Kids 2022. How do you make a tissue dance? Sometimes its good to learn new things. xhr.send(payload); All while making the question asker look dumb. I can totally keep secrets. Tap To Copy. Totally shocked. Explanation: The French philosophers most famous line is I think, therefore I am. His least famous line: Is this seat taken?. Ones pretty heavy and the others a little lighter. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. Why arent koalas actual bears? Hey, just warning you: These lolable jokes should only be told among those who will accept your weird sense of humor: Whos there? Youd better be. You dont have to be rude or disrespectful when someone asks this question. 45. Because they taste funny. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. It loafs. Whats the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Why don't math majors throw house parties? My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down. 9. What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? Smirking, the first friend replied, "Oh, c'mon I'm just tittin'.". Do you want to hear a construction joke? Right where you left it. Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. Explanation: Youd have to be insane to jump off a bridge and into the Seine, the river that runs through Paris. Carol Yepes/ Getty Images. That's it for now! Whats the difference between attraction, love and showing off? He forgot to wrap his Whopper. How is sex like a game of bridge? Explanation: This works on a couple of levels: as wordplay (genes vs. jeans) and as scientific fact (genes can determine body shape). What did the leper say to the prostitute? Want more laughs? 3. That way it will never come for me. We dont serve your type.. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Because theyre really good at it. Updated: 13 September 2022 First Published: 16 September 2019 Kids are natural comedians, they love telling jokes and laughing at even the silliest stories. Because they are so lavable. What do you call a fake noodle? They dont actually want to know if they asked you. "Dick jokes, if you craft something amazing out of them, could be the funniest thing someone's ever heard. There's a new alarming warning about this popular dog food brand. What do you call a guy with a small dick? I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet. Youre bootiful, fancy going for a walk?! Pirate Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards. A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Did I Ask animated GIFs to your conversations. He tells his waiter, "I want a grilled cheese." What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. A friend of mine went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb. A happy uncle. Explanation: A Buddhist whos one with everything is connected to the universe. Next time someone asks you, who asked, or did I ask use one of these clever comebacks and put them in their place. Their comments didn't hurt me physically, but they did make me sad.Bullying is a common problem . Not all men are annoying. Mississippi. These classic What did.? 3. The doctor replies, Sorry, I dont follow you . You come across as a person who has low self-esteem and is embarrassed to ask anybody for anything, for the fear of being refused or rejected again and again, so I did it on my own and to stop you from becoming a spectacle. I guess it's just not in the cards for me. Last Updated: December 5th 2022. Its a win-win! A funny response can be to pretend to not understand the question. In his sleevies. Become the master of pun by memorizing some of these why jokes. There are few things more frustrating than feeling like youre being ignored. Anal makes your hole weak. Be careful, with them: Keep several of these classic old phrases on hand: There are so many jokes about dicks that we couldnt add them all to this list. The redhead says it looks like cum. Because he was always spotted. You can always serve as a bad example. Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? You can negotiate with a terrorist. Usually, when someone asks did I ask you? they are not being genuine. This is another funny response that will leave the question asker feeling confused and dumbfounded while also returning to them the disrespect that they have shown you. xhr.open('POST', 'https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', true); What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror? Copy it to easily share with friends. 15. If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong . Check the 2nd part of "Funny, Stupid & Hilarious Jokes" . That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? This response is funny because it allows you to really make the question asker seem stupid and you much smarter than them. 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument, 25+ Baddie Comebacks Thatll Slay Any Situation, 32+ Sassy Comebacks Guaranteed to Silence Your Haters. 25. What did one plate say to the other plate? Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? 18. Because the P is silent! Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Whos there? I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. 38. Dont worry, said the doc. Micro-waves. He gave her a diamond card. What do you call a bear without any teeth? Ivana. The man. When I was in junior high, the girls in my class would laugh at me or ask questions designed to embarrass me. Because he felt burned out. This response works best if the question was asked rudely. Hi! Whats another name for a vagina? 0 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BriannaPlayz: Escaping 100 Layers of ICE vs Crayons! An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. With more than 130 jokes to scroll through, the laughs are guaranteed! The extra E in three and the missing R in error. The third error? Ate something. 4. I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep thats got to be the ultimate rejection. I used to hate facial hairbut then it grew on me. They're his watch dogs. 40. READ THIS NEXT:80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. If they ask, "Who asked?" This response shows that you really dont care that you werent asked. Whats the difference between your wife and your job? Dont miss these hilarious egg puns that will absolutely crack you up. Explanation: Dreipronounced dryis German for three. Neinpronounced nineis German for No. Dieser witz stinkt is German for This joke stinks.. Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?" Me: *to the person I was talking to* I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed! 29. A limbo champ walks into a bar. If I promise to miss you, will you go, like, really far away? If you loved this, youll get a kick out of these dog puns. So they don't peel. Whats long and hard and full of semen? 10. The farmer had cold hands. If only theyd come around andtake him off my hands. A little horse. Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. Why having fun with a prostitute is like a bungee jumping? How does an octopus go into battle? If your sense of humor tends to lean toward the goofy side of things, don't be ashamed. Well. 17. Pilgrims. I went out dressed like a chicken last night and I met a girl who was dressed like an egg. Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. Do you love hearing jokes? The dont meet the koalafications. There's a time and a place for well-crafted, sophisticated, complex jokes that you have to have a certain level of knowledge or experience to even get. Get out of here! shouts the bartender. You can drop them off anywhere. Why do people make end-of-the-world jokes like theres no tomorrow? All it was doing was gathering dust! No, you didnt, but we all make mistakes. But, heres a warning: Only use them in an appropriate setting where no one will be offended. READ THIS NEXT: 183 Jokes for Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun. or, the ultimate classic, Knock knock? Others might even make you laugh so hard you cry, so don't say we didn't warn you. You put a little boogie in it. Keep the tip. Its the people I tell them to who cant. How you respond when someone says something you dont like is entirely up to you. Things they would quickly admit are wrong to say, or that they shouldn't have said. All day thought-provoking questions Funny coffee jokes, check out the funniest Reader s! The batroom. Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator. What did one wall say to the other? Share the best GIFs now >>> 4. Where do you find a cow with no legs? A receding hare-line. This joke makes light of changing churches. Why do geese fly south in the winter? The line gained popular recognition in mid-June 2011. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and cola.". My son asked me what its like to be married so I told him to leave me. What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Making it very clear that the question asker was being rude. What did the little tree say to the big tree? Explanation: The first two errors? Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? Why is Peter Pan always flying? Wheeeee! 125 best Dad jokes 2020: cringeworthy, funny and downright bad jokes that will make you laugh Make your friends and family cringe with these god-awful jokes By Finlay Greig 17th Jun 2020,. It was two tired. Between you and me, something smells. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" A maybe. Its important to remember that not everyone wants to engage in constructive dialogue, and sometimes the best course of action is to ignore the comment and move on. Virgin Mobile, Boy: Want to hear a joke about my dick? What is red and smells like blue paint? A meltdown. Ask Google Assistant to go to a site in the Chrome app. Next time someone asks you, "who asked," or "did I ask" use one of these clever comebacks and put them in their place. Because theyre used to eating nuts. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Two girlfriends are hanging out when one spills coffee on her shirt. But, deep down, if we are honest, who doesn't smile at corny jokes? You might love your life, but I think it just wants to be friends. Who Asked, Nobody Asked, and That's Crazy, But I Don't Remember Asking are expressions used to indicate a lack of interest in what another person has said or posted, similar to Cool Story, Bro. Take my advice its not like Im dumb enough to. What do you call an expert fisherman? 5. I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. "I'm a. Here are some dark jokes to check out if you have a morbid sense of humor. There are twenty of them. A little horse. A stick. Cookie Notice Get Ready to LOL With These 70 Hilarious Jokes, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me. OK, now you say, Control Freak who?. Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. You might enjoy: 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument. Kid: who asked? If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? "I stand corrected!" Officials have announced that these frequently used products could result in infection. Girl: Hey, whats up? Boy: If I tell you, will you sit on it?. There is the attention you were looking for. So they don't peel. Explanation: The setup of the joke calls for a To who? response, in which To is standing in for a person. 2. Lick-a-lotta-puss. Whats 72? What did the buffalo say when his son left for school? Why do oranges wear sunscreen? Because they're very good at it. A pouch potato. The Best Dad Jokes 2023. What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD? He told me to stop going to those places. What's E.T. Here are 45 of his best (and cringe-inducing) jokes from previous shows and appearances, and The Office: Warning: adult humour follows "Where there's a will - there's a relative!" Originally Published: May 29, 2019 When kids want to laugh, they rarely turn to their math homework for jokes. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone. 64 What Did The. What do you call a pudgy psychic? This response is very clever because it makes it very clear that you contributed helpful information. Answer: Audi Question : What is the quickest way to speed . King Henry, the second the queen leaves, well bring in the strippers! ", What did the swordfish say to the marlin? Is everyone else here a jerk? Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your faceonce you shove them down the stairs, that is. 33. If a dove is the bird of peace, then is a swallow the bird of love? Call and tell her about it. With a mon-key. Then it hit me. You think youre funny, but youre snot!. Explanation: "Drei"pronounced "dry"is German for "three . If youre loving these clever jokes, youll get a kick out of these St. Patricks Day jokes youll want to share all year round. "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. It needed help figuring out its problems. ", Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? Youre dead if the rubber breaks. This one is funny because it can be used to make the question asker seem like they are crazy or have a bad memory and already has forgotten that they did in fact ask you. Knock knock. A hooker can wash her crack and resell it. This ability to anonymously put your thoughts out there for others to see leads people to frequently type and publish things they would NEVER say to someone's face. Once a girl looked at me and shouted loudly, I don't want to sit next to her! Just-in. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Hey! Privacy Policy. Dont assume thats not a major incentive. My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. short for? Shes going to eat me! Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? If idiots grew on trees, this place would be an orchard. Whats warm, wet, and pink? READ THIS NEXT: 146 Hilarious Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up. A pig in a hot tub. A pork chop. Computers dont laugh at 3.5 floppies. Waiter! Whats the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? Halfway. If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. Whats the best part about gardening? That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. Dont forget to bookmark these hilarious what do you call jokes for future laughs! * You don't want my opinion? Theyre clean, effective, and will leave the person asking the question wondering what just hit them. I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. That really hurt!" the first friend exclaims. ), *stop what you are saying and say: "Wow you are rude, but I'm pretty sure asking "Who asked?" Strong people dont put others down. The answers to this and other funny why did joke questions here. Men are like public toilets the good ones are taken and the rest are full of crap. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? What did the O say to the Q? Here are some witty comebacks to Did I ask?: The best response to did I ask is to remain calm and try not to overreact. Thanks a lot Sergios Rotar (hope i didn't make any typos. How do you eat a squirrel? The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. Whats a adult actress favorite drink? The only answer is to have some responses ready in your back pocket, responses that you can read below. King Henry the Second who? Why did the student eat his homework? Thats why Ive put together this list of 32+ witty comebacks for who asked and did I ask. I hope they help you the next time someone asks you this question! What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. if( navigator.sendBeacon ) { What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Hot, because you can catch cold. Please tell me this train of thought youre on has a caboose. Two peanuts were walking down the street. No harm in telling the truth, you werent asked and this response is extra clever because it doesnt give the question asker the reaction from you that they were looking for. Fuck you said who? By using one of the comebacks from our list, you can shut down the person who asked without causing a scene. I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. Whos there? Check out these other why did the chicken cross the road? jokes for more laughs. But I'm clean now. By following these tips, youll be able to handle the who asked question like a pro and keep the conversation going despite it. Pun lovers have been pondering what one thing said to another since almost the beginning of time. We have picked some adult jokes for you to use. If you see me smiling its because Im thinking of doing something bad. Sometimes its just best to be clever in your response to make the other person seem dumb or silly. How do you stop a bull from charging? Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by. Do you love telling jokes? 27. When you die, what part of the body dies last? 11. 14. What did one hat say to the other? 49. The Satisfactory. One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?" Many are one-liners so you can remember them to share and share again, and your kids can retell them to their friends too, maybe even years later. What do boobs and toys have in common? However, its not always rude. Explanation: This ones full of nods to music: Chopin and Bach were composers, and a minuet is a type of dance (and the music that goes along with it). Just another reason to moan, really. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Looking for some laughs today? Sneakers. I swear I wasnt lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again. Did you hear the one about the roof? I said you look fat in those pants. You're not completely useless.